My own religion
Personal Development, happiness
A guest post from Nichole Wolfgang who is a successful business woman - from working her way up to upper management in a high-tech New York firm to becoming an entrepreneur, she has a long and successful resume. I enjoyed her take on living happy and I know you will too.
I have often told people that I have my own religion. One that I am convinced if everyone followed, the world would be a better place. While the doctrines of this religion are simple on the surface, they are hard for the average person to follow. The guiding principle is this:
Do whatever it takes to make yourself happy, (but here’s the kicker) as long as it does not impede on the happiness of others.
That second half is the hard part. First of all it is hard because most people either lack the innate ability, or maybe the will in some cases, to put themselves in the shoes of other people. For example, it’s not easy to understand why someone would want a tattoo of the batman symbol on their back when you personally moved out of your batman craze period in 1997. Or why for that matter would anyone paint their bedroom dark red with black trim? But these are things people do and there are a number of reasons for doing each seemingly odd thing in our lives. A lot has to do with how and where we were raised. If I were raised by “hippy” parents, I might think it perfectly natural to sit in the middle of a busy park and meditate, speaking my mantras aloud. While on the other hand if my parents were much more reserved, it could take me years to build up the confidence to do something that I might have initially seen as outrageous and therefore know that others out there will view it as odd.
While it may smack of “do unto others…”, there is merit in that. Remember the other day on your drive into the office when that @$$ cut you off? Now think back… when was the last time you cut someone off? Probably ‘just the other day’. Now if you had taken a moment to think about how you feel when someone cuts you off, do you think you would still have done it? If you answer is yes, then you better get back to Sunday school. That little bit of unhappiness spreads much more rapidly than happiness does, but happiness does spread.
Another thing that makes the second half of my religion’s guiding principle difficult is putting happiness in perspective. On first blush many have told me that it would be impossible to not impede on everyone else’s happiness all the time. Should I get so mad at being cut off that I am determined not to let that sweet old lady merge into my lane no matter what? If I wear red and you hate red, wouldn’t that make you unhappy? My answer is no. Why? Because happiness goes much deeper than your first reaction to something. While I might not like the song playing on the radio (perhaps the melody strikes a bad chord in me, or it reminds me of a lover who has jilted me), it does not affect my underlying happiness. I can still be at peace with who I am in the here and now. Where this principle has the most trouble is in getting everyone to understand that little things do not necessarily impede on my personal happiness. People get way too upset about the smallest things. I have heard a grown man curse while watering his plans because the water spilled over top of the rim and down the wall below the window ledge. He was genuinely blood-pressure-increased upset. But why? And over water, something that would evaporate on its own or, to save the wall from any possible water damage, could be wiped up in an instant with no stains. We must all learn how to maintain and grow the underlying happiness and joy in our lives and realize the little “annoyances” are just passing moments that should have little or no effect on our emotional outlook if we are truly happy.
Try putting my religion to work for you the next time you have a simple daily decision to make and let me know how you make out.
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Karl @ March 3, 2008