Small Expectations

Emotional Tools for Better Living, Personal Development

Small expectations are the principal deterrent to appreciating your life. When you order a meal at a restaurant and it doesn’t taste as good as you expected, you feel disappointed. When you’re driving to work and hit unexpected traffic, you probably get upset. These little everyday expectations kill a lot of joy that we could be experiencing, but we’re too busy looking at what we wanted to happen instead of what is happening.

Allowing yourself to see your expectations as they are forming in your mind will give you the ability to enjoy them as if they are pleasant dreams. By gently bringing yourself back to the present reality, you can appreciate the life you have, not the one you were expecting.

So how does someone stop expecting certain outcomes?

Observing Reality

When you observe what you are feeling, you can learn to work with the emotions that an event creates. I noticed that when I drove into work, I was expecting work to be a certain way. I created all these expectations that couldn’t be met. One cold morning I thought it was going to be a good day. I had it all planned out. A cup of warm tea in the morning, surf the Internet for fifteen minutes, do some work on the youth accounts, call my co-worker in another building and have a chat about work-related topics and the movie I saw last night, go to lunch, work on a design, plan out a report, review and upload a couple of files to the website, and finish up the day with a few calls. All these expectations were floating around my head and slowly building my hopes for the day. I entered the building and as I was walking toward my cubicle, my expectations were quickly killed by my boss. Before I even sat down, he gave me a crappy project to do that had to be finished right away. My expectations continued to float around my head while I was stuck on this project. My good mood collided with reality and I got depressed. I didn’t drink my cup of tea until lunch and I never got to any of the tasks I wanted to accomplish. My day’s goals were unmet, and this ruined what could have been a good day.

Practicing Appreciation

I should have appreciated the hard work I was putting into the project instead of wanting to do something else. My boss’s instructions weren’t difficult, but I let them wreck my day. The expectations that I created could keep ruining my ability to enjoy my day or I could make a change. I made a choice to stop looking at what I am not able to do and begin to appreciate what I am able to accomplish. When my boss told me to stuff marketing bags, I found the rhythm of the repetitive task calming. When he told me to redesign my marketing piece, I asked him what he didn’t like about the first one. I usually agreed with his points, and when I didn’t I just tried to make it better.

The practice of letting go of my small expectations helped me to see the joy in what was happening in my daily existence. I’m not going to pretend like I’m some saint that appreciates each and every moment. I still falter a lot by creating expectations that can’t be met, but as soon as I realize my mistake I bring my thoughts back to appreciating what I have.

Keep Dreaming

I don’t want anyone to stop dreaming, imagining or wanting a better life. All I want is for others to observe reality for all the truth it holds.

Expectations aren’t bad if you can change them as the moment requires. When expectations fall short, then this creates pain. If you can adapt quickly to the present then you can enjoy the experience without wanting it to be different. For example, expecting love to be in your life is a good thing. If you don’t expect love, you’ll never be able to give it or receive it. When you can appreciate the love that’s in your life and stop wanting more, then you are letting go of your expectations and enjoying the situation you created.

“Life is so constructed that an event does not, cannot, will not, match the expectation.”

- Charlotte Bronte

We need to teach ourselves present moment appreciation, but first we must see through the expectations we create so we can observe our lives for the splendor that they are.

Next time you’re mad at someone that didn’t meet your expectations, try observing all the qualities of the situation and then try to appreciate some little thing about that moment. Any little thing will do. You are slowly training yourself to let go of these small expectations and see the beauty that was always there.

What is an expectation that you carry with you?

Popularity: 25% [?]

Karl @ January 30, 2008